This article is part of our Thunderbastard series.
I know, I know, it has truly been too long and I apologize. I'm not sure how you researched and examined your fantasy options these last few months; however, fear no more, the Thunderbastard is back!
For my return article, I thought about multiple angles and storylines that would help my loyal followers (follower?) make sense of this EPL season. However, it wasn't until I stopped and looked around that I realized my answers were right there. The answers are right in front of us in the stories that dominate the news and our timelines every day.
So, with the help of some of the biggest stories of the last few days, I present you the first Thunderbastard article of the 2015/16 season!
Kobe and Big Papi Announce Their Plans to Retire
In the last couple of weeks, two of the sports world's biggest stars announced their upcoming retirements. Boston fans have one more year to enjoy the heroics of David Ortiz and Kobe Bryant has confirmed that (thankfully) this will be his final season lacing them up for the Lakers.
In honor of these retiring stars, I decided to look at a trio of 34-year-olds who are all the oldest players on their teams and all closing in on the end of their EPL careers (which one will NYCFC sign?): John Terry, Michael Carrick and Martin Demichelis.
Terry, besides having a horrid season and limited fantasy value (18 points so far; yes 18), is hurt and out for this weekend's fixture with Bournemouth. So obviously, stay away.
Carrick, though is still getting 90 minutes in some international friendlies (he started and went the distance against Spain a few weeks ago), is getting rather sporadic minutes for United and he has only scored one more fantasy point (19) than Terry. Though he can be had for the relatively low cost of £4.8, don't add him to your roster. Plus, why set yourself up to have to watch a United game this year?!?!
That bring us to Demichelis. Expected to get the start this weekend against Stoke, Demichelis could be a relatively cheap (£5.6) and sneaky start. That said, I think Stoke is gonna knock off City this week so I won't be playing ol' Martin.
Carli Lloyd: Player of the Year
Last week, Carli Lloyd was named a finalist for FIFA's Women's World Player of the Year (is there any chance she doesn't win that award?). As you all remember, Lloyd put on the show of all shows this summer by scoring three goals in 16 minutes in the first half of the Women's World Cup final and leading the U.S. to their third star. The news of Lloyd's nomination got me thinking: what EPL player has the likeliest chance to get a hat-trick (and lead your fantasy team) this weekend?
Leicester's Jamie Vardy is certainly an obvious choice His league-leading 14 goals and torrid pace have made him a fantasy stud. He has 25 fantasy points in his last three game and has scored in all but the first two games of the season. Though I would put money on Vardy to score this weekend against Swansea, I don't see him pulling a Carli Lloyd at Liberty City.
Another good candidate to score multiple goals this weekend is Romelu Lukaku of Everton. Lukaku has been on fire recently and has averaged 10 fantasy points per game over the last four, scoring five goals in that span. Lukaku has already scored multiple goals in three games this season, and he wouldn't be a bad bet to find the back of the net this weekend when the Toffees host Crystal Palace. Though Palace has shown to have a strong defense this year, they only have two wins in their last six games, and it could open up if Everton is able to score early, with Lukaku being the beneficiary.
Though Lukaku and Vardy are good options to score this weekend, my choice to have the best chance to pull a Carli Lloyd: Christian Bentenke (£8.3).
Why? Well, first of all, Liverpool is playing Newcastle and everyone scores against Newcastle (sorry Nathan)! The Magpies are giving up a league-leading 16.9 shots and 2.14 goals per game (they have given up multiple goals in nine fixtures already this season).
Look for Liverpool to carry the possession and be able to give Bentenke multiple chance to use his aerial prowess and finishing to possibly match Lloyd's hat-trick (though not likely in 16 minutes).
PS: If Daniel Sturridge decides he is healthy enough to go, he might be a better bet.
A Charlie Brown Christmas
This week was the 50th anniversary of the Charlie Brown Christmas show. Yes, Snoopy's Chevy Chase style dog house, Schroeder's tremendous piano playing (did you know the soundtrack from this is the 10th best selling Christmas album of all time and is in the Grammy Hall of Fame), and that poor, little tree are all 50 years old.
Of course when I think of Charlie Brown, I always think of one scene in particular: Lucy pulling the football away from poor Chuck. For some reason, I have always equated this scene with being an Arsenal fan this last decade. You know, they're always sure this is the year it will be different, this is the year they will make it to the top, and then that damn ball gets pulled away again and again!
Well, Arsenal fans, you might not end at the top of the table this year; however, you have a pretty tasty match-up this weekend and a must-play fantasy option.
Without a doubt, Mesut Ozil has been on an absolute burner and is putting up tremendous stats. Over the last 30 days he is ranked second in form (trailing Ross Barkley) and has 26 fantasy points in his last three games (MOTM in two). Besides this, he is running away with the assist lead in the EPL with 11 (the next closest is six) and is in some of his best form ever in an Arsenal kit.
The upcoming match against Sunderland should give him plenty of opportunities to build on his stats. The ball should be at the Gunner's foot most of the game, as Arsenal ranks second in possession, while Sunderland is just one away from the bottom at 19th. Look for Ozil to have the chance to make a huge impact, and he should be a strong consideration as Captain this week; that is, as long as Lucy doesn't play for Sunderland!
David Price Goes to the Red Sox
This week the Red Sox pulled off the biggest free-agent signing of the offseason when they inked David Price to a seven-year, $217 million deal. The Fenway Group has routinely showed the willingness to throw big money at a player or players that they feel will make a difference (and some do and some don't).
The question is: can we expect the Fenway Group to do the same to help Jurgen Klopp buy some new big-time players at Anfield?
Two players rumored to be on Klopp's shortlist, Stoke's Jack Butland and Swansea's Andre Ayew, who are both possible plays in this weekend's fixtures.
Butland leads Stoke against a depleted Man City team, in what is my call for the upset of the week. Butland has the most fantasy points of any goalie (67) and has the third highest points per cost value, trailing only Odion Ighalo and Riyad Mahrez. Start him if you can.
Ayew also ranks 17th in best value plays in the league. He has racked up 79 points (six goals) and has scored at least seven points six times. He has already scored goals against Manchester United and Chelsea this year, so he should be up for the Leicester challenge. However, the teams have been trending in completely opposite directions so he is no sure start by any means.
She is Everywhere
Finally, we come to the woman who is all over the tv, radio and Internet: Adele.
Born in Tottenham, she has been a lifelong Spurs fan and must be pleased with her team's current form (not all that Spursy). There is no reason to believe that their fortune should change this weekend against West Brom. Harry Kane has been rolling in the deep (see what I did there) lately. Before last week's match with Chelsea, Kane had 46 points in his last four games and has had scores of 17 and 13 this season. But hello (yup, I did it again), be aware that he has been a bit feast-or-famine this year. Though he will get his chances (he is second in shots on target), Kane has nine matches where he has registered two or fewer fantasy points. To the buyer beware.
There is one Spur that I will certainly be looking to start: Toby Alderweireld, who has back to back nine-point games. West Brom has only seven goals from open play this year and averages a mere three shots on target per game - a clean sheet for Spurs is likely. Spend the £5.5 and start Alderweireld this week!
This Week's Thunderbastard
Not sure this is officially a thunderbastard; however, how do I talk about Carli Lloyd and not show her scoring from midfield in a World Cup final!
