This article is part of our Thunderbastard series.
As Super Bowl Sunday approaches, everyone is starting to gear up for the big day. Discussions can be overheard everywhere debating if Denver can stop Cam Newton, if Peyton Manning can throw a spiral and if Coldplay was really the first choice for halftime entertainment (the answer can't be yes, can it)? Along with all these debates comes an awful lot of gambling, and along with this gambling comes some pretty crazy prop bets. Fortunately for us all, these props also serve as a guideline for how to set your fantasy EPL roster.
Cross Sport Props:
Arsenal Total Goals on Feb. 7 or Peyton Manning TDs Passes
Thunderbastard's Bet: Take Peyton. Somehow his wobbly arm will get 2 touchdown passes and Arsenal is going to be lucky to get out with a 1-0 victory over a Bournemouth team that just beat Crystal Palace and is beginning to separate itself from the Relegation Zone. Don't get me wrong, I would be happy to see the Gunners lose; but, look for Mesut Ozil to set up Olivier Giroud for a late winner (Man Utd doesn't overtake Arsenal for at least another two or three weeks).
Denver wins Super Bowl, Peyton Manning Retires, San Antonio wins NBA Championship, Tim Duncan Retires? Yes 20/1
Thunderbastard's Bet: NO! Denver is going to lose 28-17 and San Antonio will lose a hard fought seven-game series to the Warriors in the Western Conference Finals (the Warriors will then go and lose to the Knicks in five).
If Vegas really wanted to make sure the bet was interesting, add John Terry to it and say two out of three. We know that Chelsea isn't going to win the league, but how about a bet for them finishing in the top four?
Again, the answer would be NO! This weekend, Chelsea loses to an in-form Wayne Rooney (who will have a goal and an assist) and Man Utd gets their biggest win of the year (until they pass Arsenal) and continue an actual fight for the top four. But no worries, I am sure we will see John in an Los Angeles Galaxy uniform. According to SKY Bet, Terry joining MLS is the top bet (4/6) with a big paycheck and a trip to China coming in second (5/2).
Will there be an earthquake during the game? Yes 10/1
Note: the announcer must indicate there was an earthquake during live broadcast sometime from kickoff until final whistle.
Thunderbastard's Bet: This is a tough one but I am going to say no, there will not be an earthquake during the game. (If the bet included pre-game, I might go for it, though part of me would feel bad about cheering for an earthquake.)
The closest bet to this in the Premier League might be, is Aston Villa gonna make it out of the bottom three? Aston Villa (two wins this season, eight goals in open play) MUST win against Norwich this weekend. Unfortunately for Villa fans, the odds of the earthquake during the Super Bowl are actually better than Villa staying up in the Premier League. Look for Dieumerci Mbokani to find the back of the net for Norwich and lead them to an easy 3-0 victory. Silver lining for USMNT fans: with Villa's demise, Tim Howard may not be the only U.S. goalie coming to MLS this season (Brad Guzan to the Revolution).
First Touchdown of the Game
Thuderbastard's Bet: That is a tough one. Carolina certainly has come out firing in their two playoff games and you have to like their chance of being the first team on the board. When it comes to the first player to score during the Premier League weekend, it would seem that Sergio Aguero would be a good choice, especially because he's in the early game. But, sorry Sergio, with all the Pep news swirling around City it is Leicester's time to shine. Kasper Schmeichel will continue to be steady in goal and Jamie Vardy will build on his two-goal performance against Liverpool to officially put Leicester's stamp on the season and title race. Look for City to stumble and lose 2-1 to the Foxes.
As for the football game, I'm going with Jonathan Stewart (+800) to score the first touchdown (probably with about three minutes to go in the first quarter).
Will Peyton Manning be seen crying at any time during the entire broadcast? Yes +600 NO -1200
Thunderbastard's Bet: Despite the inevitable loss, I just don't see it. Peyton Manning doesn't cry (sentence said to the tune of Peyton's Nationwide ad).
As for tears in the Prem this weekend, many have been mentioned. City fans will be crying, Chelsea fans be crying, and I hope Arsenal fans will be crying (though I doubt it---not yet). Look for West Ham to be another team that drives some of its fans (such as last year's Super Bowl entertainer, Katy Perry) to tears of sorrow this weekend. Though they have had a great year, a loss to Southampton will put their top-four aspirations in serious jeopardy. Fraser Forster has four straight clean sheets for the Saints and will make it five this weekend. The Hammers loss will make their poor fans roar and they will be a dark horse contender no longer (quiz, can you find the the hidden Katy Perry song titles in the last sentence?).
Which song will Coldplay play first during the halftime show?
Thunderbastard's Bet: First thing, without looking at the list below, try to name a Coldplay song….didn't think so. You probably also don't know that Coldplay frontman Chris Martin is a fan of Exeter City (bizarre fact: Michael Jackson once sang at St. James' Park while wearing an Exeter City scarf). Yes, this is the same Exeter City team, from League Two, that tied Liverpool in January in the FA Cup (before mighty Liverpool eventually beat them in the second game).
The Reds have been far from sharp lately and will look to get back on track with a game against a desperate Sunderland. This is the kind of game Liverpool seems to know how to lose, or at least make way too close; but, not this week. Look for Roberto Firmino to lead the way to an easy 4-1 Liverpool victory.
As for Coldplay, put your money on A Sky Full of Stars (9/2), with Speed of Sound (9/1) and Clocks (15/2) other viable options.
Coin Toss: Heads -105 (20/21), Tails - 105 (20/21)
Thunderbastard's Bet: Of course you can bet on the coin toss, why not?! Obviously a lot can go wrong with a coin flip, just ask Jerome Bettis, or Bernie Sanders .
Well, a lot could go wrong this weekend if you are forced to watch Newcastle host West Brom. Combined, the two teams have 27 goals in open play. In other words, the same number as Tottenham, and fewer than each of City, Everton and Leicester.
This game is truly a coin flip and I predict a less than tantalizing 0-0 draw. There is NO NEED to put anyone from this game on your roster. And as for the coin flip, always go with tails (even in Iowa).
Thunderbastard of the Week: Just watch this (especially the angle at the 10 sec mark) and enjoy the brilliance!
