The Spread Offensive: Thanksgiving Football Feast

Thanksgiving is synonymous with football. In our household, the annual "Turkey Bowl" is one of the best parts of the holiday. In our version, someone always gets hurt, and someone (read: me) always proclaims themselves the MVP of an extremely unathletic group. We run plays around the aging tree in my parents' front yard, argue over what constitutes a first down and generally decide to stop when it seems as though most people have run out of breath. I have video proof. It's not pretty, but it's tradition. Our tradition.

Since football is synonymous with Thanksgiving, I'm going to compare the playoff hopefuls to items on the dinner table. Yes, you read that correctly. My apologies to any Thanksgiving dishes left out that may have been offended by the writing of this article.

Alabama = Turkey

This will be the third year of the College Football Playoff. Barring something catastrophic, Alabama will be the only school to appear in the playoff in every year of its existence. What's a Thanksgiving feast without turkey? What's a College Football Playoff without Alabama? Sure, it may not be your favorite item on the Thanksgiving table, but you know it is an indispensable part of the fabric of the holiday. Alabama is undefeated, the undisputed No. 1 in college football. There is no playoff talk without the Tide, the centerpiece.

Ohio State = Stuffing

My personal favorite. The stuffing, not the Buckeyes. Still, the stuffing seems to bring the whole meal together, doesn't it? It always looks a little different from year to year. Sometimes there are vegetables in it. Sometimes there is fruit. You can never quite tell between the different types. However, the end result is usually the same; delicious. And you'll always go back for seconds. Like this cherished food, Ohio State always seems to find a way to be in the mix, and at its best, come this time of the year. The Buckeyes are likely a win away over "That team up North" from becoming a virtual shoe-in at being included in the playoff.

Michigan = Cranberry Sauce

Speaking of Michigan, Jim Harbaugh is a master recruiter, and so he is a favorite of the high school "kids," even with his unfashionable khaki pants. After all, he did appear in a rap video last offseason. Cranberry sauce is also prized among children, though often the result of them eating this delectable item is not pretty. Michigan plays a bruising, even sometimes ugly version of football with ferocious defense and "ground and pound" offense by running the football. The Wolverines would love to muck up the chances of the Buckeyes to return to the College Football Playoff, while clinching a spot in the Big Ten championship game over Penn State.

Clemson = Ham

Ham and Turkey go together, someone once decided. While Ham is not a traditional holiday item, per se, it has a history of inclusion at the Thanksgiving table. Clemson (Ham) played Alabama (Turkey) in the national championship game last season. See what I did there? In any event, Clemson had been a kind of downtrodden football school before Dabo Swinney came along, and then the ascension of Deshaun Watson took the Tigers to new heights. Looking for a return engagement this season, Clemson hopes to win the ACC crown and go back to the College Football Playoff for a shot at the Tide. Ham may not always be a Thanksgiving icon, but it can certainly be a welcome addition when offered. Clemson is riding a current wave of success in attempting to become a powerhouse staple of college football. We will see if its inclusion continues on a yearly basis.

Wisconsin = Mashed Potatoes

On the surface, mashed potatoes can look bland. Not visually appealing. Yet potatoes evoke images of being hardworking. And below the visually unattractive look, the potatoes are solid. Substantial. Filling. Sure, Wisconsin lost close encounters with Ohio State and Michigan. Sure, the Wolverines don't have a high profile coach, or a gunslinging quarterback whipping the ball all over the map. But they're solid. Substantial. They play defense. They run the football. They're hard-nosed, tough. That's the image of the mighty potato. That's the image of the mighty Badgers. You may be surprised at how good they are, but they're not going anywhere.

Oklahoma = Sweet Potatoes

When sweet potatoes are good, they're arguably the best served dish on the menu. And just from sheer appearances, the sweet potato is a fine looking specimen. So vibrant. Such color. Oklahoma looks like a playoff team. Their offense is high-flying, high-octane. Sexy. Dede Westbrook is having a monster season. Baker Mayfield is rounding into form. Eight wins in a row. What's not to like? Well, when sweet potatoes come out wrong, they can go very wrong. Like when your aunt adds marshmallows to them. That's what happened when the Sooners got throttled by Ohio State. Marshmallows. Or when they opened up with the loss to Houston. Marshmallows. Let's try to keep these two items separate from now on, OK? Those two losses will loom large for the Sooners, as they were thoroughly whipped. And playing in a weakened Big 12 with no conference championship game also hurts their cause. It looks like Oklahoma's title chances, just like sweet potatoes made with marshmallows, are ruined. But there's always the chance the sweet potatoes come out right. Sans marshmallows. Without any additives or imperfections. It's a small chance. They'll need a lot of help and pressure from other sources. But it's still possible.

Washington = Gravy

Here's the most overlooked item on the Thanksgiving plate. The gravy. You can put the gravy on virtually anything, but nobody talks about it. Have you ever heard a family member compliment your mom, dad, sister, brother, aunt or uncle on the gravy? Most likely not. That's how Washington must feel. Sure, they lost to USC, arguably the hottest team in the land, but the Huskies are still 10-1 in a Power 5 conference. Washington quarterback Jake Browning could also be the gravy. He's having a Heisman-caliber season, yet is not usually mentioned in the discussion. Browning would actually prefer not to be the center of attention.

Penn State = Apple Pie

I also would have accepted pumpkin. But what do you think about when apple pie comes to mind? Nostalgia. Americana. There is also something refreshingly American about Penn State being back on the college football map. Just like the historical meal between the pilgrims and the Native Americans, the Nittany Lions being back in the national championship picture brings back memories from glory years past. Apple pie is a Thanksgiving staple. An American staple. So too is Penn State football. Though nothing can change the events of recent years, just as no one can change what was eventually done in this country to the Native Americans, we can look back fondly on times when peace and brotherhood were valued commodities.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. Enjoy football with family and friends. Here's hoping this year we won't have any trips to the emergency room.